Effective Communication:

Knowing Yourself and Others

Body Language

Managing Without Words

"Start to notice your body language, and other people's and see how much you can pick up about what someone saying just by watching them."

  – Russel Webster

Why Body Language?

Body language can help you get on not, just because you may look the part, exude confidence and act assertively, but because you can look beyond what people say to what they really mean.

Know What Your Body Is Saying

"Body language accounts for more than half of what other people respond to and make assumptions about when they connecting with you. And more often than not, you're not consciously thinking about it. By becoming conscious, you're 50% ahead of the game."³

Open and Close Signals

With your body language, "you're constantly saying either, "Welcome, I'm open for business," or, "Go away, I'm closed for business." You may be showing that you are an opportunity or a threat; a friend or a foe; confident or uncomfortable; telling the truth or spouting lies."³

When you are operating from inside a really useful attitude, such as enthusiasm, curiosity, and humility, your body language tends to take care of itself and sends out unmistakable signals of openness. "Nonetheless, there things you can consciously do to make sure you're showing your best face. If you want to show that you're open for business, a friend and not a foe, without saying a word, you have to open yourself up to the world in the first second of every encounter. Open body language - together with open facial expressions – includes uncrossed arms and legs, ease in facing the person, good eye contact, smiling, standing or sitting erect, leaning forward, flexible shoulders, and a generally relaxed aura. Open body language makes expressive use of hands, arms, legs, and feet."³

Face Values

The Face Values system⁴ is based on facial behavior. What causes you to make one facial expression more often than any other? There are only a few facial expressions that are repeated, so when you know what they are, you can easily read just about anyone you ever meet.

Synchronizing Body Language

People who are in rapport unconsciously synchronize their body language and their vocal characteristics. "When you deliberately synchronize your body language with another's, amazing connections can happen. Our response to synchronization is a function of our predisposition to reciprocate behavior. It's hardwired into the human brain."³

 Case in Point  Synchronizing Body Language

During a radio interview with Nicholas Boothman, the author of several books describing the body language synchronizing phenomenon, the host told him, "I read your over the weekend. On Sunday night, my husband took me out to dinner, so I decided to try out your synchronizing exercise with someone in the restaurant to see what would happen. I was a little skeptical."

She went on to explain that sitting about three tables away was a slightly older couple. The woman was more or less facing in her direction, but they never made eye contact. "For about twenty minutes I gently synchronized her overall body language and posture. When she moved, I moved; when she shifted her weight from one elbow to the other, I followed. I did it all without ever looking directly at her. And then an incredible thing happened. The woman got up from the table and came over to me. 'Excuse me,' she said, 'but I'm sure I know you.' I was blown away."³

Treat your prospective customer as a player who wants to achieve extraordinary results. You are to help the player win. Listen to words, body language and emotions to understand the player's both conscious and unconscious needs.... More

Bibliography:

1. "Understanding Body Language", Geoff Ribbens and Richard Thompson

2. "Super Communication the NLP Way", Russel Webster

3. "How To Connect in Business in 90 Seconds or Less", Nicholas Boothman

4. "Reading People," Michael Lovas

5. "Discover Yourself," Vadim Kotelnikov

6. "People Skills," Vadim Kotelnikov

7. "Effective Listening," Vadim Kotelnikov